‘Tis the season to give thanks. I especially felt the need to give a shout out of my thanks this year, because God knows I have SO much to be thankful for. Even though I found myself toughing out many struggles recently, I am truly blessed that with those struggles, I found more strength within myself than I knew I ever had. My attitude had become self-defeating. As of late, I wanted to accomplish certain objectives on my own, but lost the confidence that I actually could do them alone. I’d always considered myself a strong woman, but after months of emotional wreckage, the only strong part left was the exterior; leaving the inside a little broken and scrawny.
But funny how life throws you a sucker punch, and those ever-instilled fight or….’er fight responses kick in. The flight response doesn’t really apply to most situations we deal with. What are you going to run from? Whether you stay or leave, the world keeps turning and your existence still exist, with or without your willingness to participate. An analogy for life would be that it’s a game that you are taught to play. The only thing is that there are no forfeits or time-outs. Hopefully the coach was thorough enough to show you how to win and not to just “run the bases”. My point is, every time I find myself in a predicament with no choice but to fight, I also find this amazing strength within. A strength so powerful that I sometimes look back a few days later and think, “Wow, I accomplished all that on my own?”
I guess this further proves that the saying “What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger” really is true. I’ve never been fond of people saying that to me when I felt the shadows of walls closing in on me, but then there’s the good ole’ “sometimes the truth hurts”.
In closing, even as I chop down these mental barriers I actually built myself, I wont pretend (or do I want to) that I don’t have one of the best support teams a girl could ask for. God has blessed me with an extraordinary group of friends and a family that has shown me that no matter what the circumstances are, I can look over and they will still be standing on my side in the end.
For Thanksgiving, I give thanks to those friends for being in my life. Each and every one of you bring something unique and special to the table and I can only hope that I can do the same for you. I give thanks to my loving family. Mom, for listening to the long phone calls when I feel in despair and the times of joy I’m glad I can share with you. Dad, for your words of encouragement, making me promise you I will actually learn from my mistakes this time (I promise you again!), and for booking a ticket to come see me in a time I need you the most. Matt, for being such a protective big brother and listening to me when I am terribly upset and when I am able to share stories of elation, and for making me laugh when I come home by making fun of my newly adopted mechanisms (that weird drunken New York accent, saying “right?” in response to comments, etc). My sister Melissa, for your straight forward approach in getting me to open up and feel comfortable telling it as it really is, for your heart-felt messages to me, and for consistently showing me how much you care. Nick, for making me smile every time I speak to you on the phone because of your very 9-year old southern accent and reminding me how much you are a Dad Jr. when you intentionally say things that you think will annoy me. To the grandparents and extended family, I am thankful for you all! Last, I cant leave out my employer as they recently helped me accomplish a goal I’d been set out to do for a while.
THANKS TO GOD, FAMILY, AND FRIENDS FOR BEING THE BEST DAMN CREW ANYONE COULD ASK FOR. I LOVE YOU ALL.
