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I found this poem I wrote not too long after moving to the city, snagging a position that I thought would be fantastic only to learn it was an illegal chop shop in which the owner and some partners were arrested by the FBI (2 months after my employment). I had just moved into a new place and was scared out of my wits to lose a job so instantly in a less than stellar job market.

I thought I'd share because I wrote it randomly. It was exactly how I felt. I remember scribbling it down in minutes. It was nice to find yesterday though because it was a short and blatant reminder that was goes down, must come up.

I am sliding down an invisible trench

Frantically fighting my way up the slippery walls

My soul is drowning

My strength wont give up, wants to stay up

I can't see the light at the end of the imperceptible tunnel

But my heart is telling me it is there

I will fight

Knowing that my heart is always right in the end

Rounding another corner.

Today’s blog isn’t about my reason why because my mind isn’t there. Today, my thoughts are about what’s next for me. I’m going to be proactive regarding that and give it a little kick start.

Every now and then, I find myself with a deep longing for change. Of course a good change in which involves me being renewed and refreshed. I become a bit sluggish and hmmm…less motivated when I determine that a routine has set in that I'm not excited about. As you know from a few blogs back, there’s just not enough time in life to be anything less than your best.

Life always has ups and downs, but I’m pissed about the path I've been lead on the past couple months. So now, I’m taking control of the reins and saying, "Nope, that route sucks and I’m taking a new one."

I've picked up two projects I wanted to work on and never did because I wasn’t sure where to start. Well, you have to start somewhere. And last night, I finally signed up for the salsa dancing lessons I've talked, and talked about wanting to take for several months now. I've really been in a "doing" mood lately so I better take full advantage of it! Yesterday, while at Barnes and Noble, I bought two new vegetarian cookbooks. I'm going to be an awesome and inventive master of the kitchen. Being a pescatarian, I’ve noticed that I eat the same foods over and over. That’s boring and I’m not boring, so...no mas!

Yes, I get jaded with the same ole' same ole' (ask anyone who knows me well, this is very characteristic of me), but I think this season's change entails more depth than those before. My soul has been aching for something else. It wants to be better fulfilled and I’m prepared to take the steps necessary to reinvent myself with subtle, positive changes to do just that.