A little Missouri for YOU

I received this list from my beloved, adorable country bumpkin grandma who resides back in my homeland...The good ole' Bootheel of MO:

THE RULES OF RURAL MISSOURI ARE AS FOLLOWS

 Listen up City Slickers !

1- They are cattle. They're live steaks. That's why they
smell funny to you. But they smell like money to us. Get
over it.. Don't like it? Rt. 70 goes east and west, I-35
goes north and south. Pick one.

2- So you have a $60,000 car? We're impressed. We have $150,000 combines and hay balers that are driven only 3 weeks a year.

3- So every person in Missouri waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.

4-If that cell phone rings while an 8-point buck and 3 do's are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.

5- Yeah, we eat biscuits & gravy, beans & cornbread. You really want sushi & caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.

6- We open doors for women. That is applied to all women regardless of age.

7- No, there's no 'vegetarian special' on the menu. Order steak. Or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.

8- You bring 'coke' into my house, it better be brown, wet and served over ice.

9- You bring 'Mary Jane' into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.

10- Colleges? We have them all over. We have State Universities, Private Universities , Community Colleges, and Vo-techs. They come outta there with an education plus a love for God and country, and they still wave at everybody when they come for the holidays.

11- 2 inches of ice isn't a blizzard - it's a vacation.. Drive like you got some sense in it, and DON'T take all our bread, milk, and bleach from the grocery stores. This ain't Alaska , worst case you may have to live a whole day without croissants. The pickups with snow blades will have you out the next day.